Finding Grace in the Wilderness

Over the past week I was blessed to be able to study the book of Jeremiah.  And by study I mean: humbled, annoyed, convicted, struggled, and amazed by this book.  That pretty much sums up the week of going through it, but as I look back on this book I will be forever grateful.  As difficult as it was to study it, my eyes were opened to so much: starting with the fact that I am one broken sinner. If that was not obvious enough.  

This book is packed with story after story of God’s mercy on Judah when they continually failed to see it.  There is so much I could say about it, but from the very beginning of studying it there was one line that jumped off the page at me.  Every time I see it I stare at it, meditate on it, and process it.  I know exactly where it is on the page, and I can tell you exactly what colors are surrounding it.  It has rocked my last week; in more than a good way.  

Jeremiah 31:2 simply says, “Thus says the Lord: The people who survived the sword found grace in the wilderness; when Israel sought for rest.”  

Before studying the Bible in this way over the past year, any sort of wilderness or exile that I read about always had a negative connotation in my mind.  If I have to be honest, I would view it as a circumstance where God has turned His back on that certain people group.  Throughout studying the Old Testament over the past four months my view of this has changed. Like a lot.  In book after book it is crystal clear that Yahweh’s presence was with His people throughout it all.  No matter what their current circumstances were, He was with them.  That in itself was grace, and the Israelites could rest in that.  Story after story, God’s grace was present.  It overwhelms me.

As I look back on the past year in my life it has definitely felt like a wilderness at sometimes.  There have been days were I felt like I was in utter darkness and wandering in the wilderness could be a pretty accurate description.  Sometimes I felt far from happy, and for the longest time I thought that was a terrible thing.  I got pretty good at nailing down putting on a front like everything was okay.  What can I say? I am a southern girl.  We have mastered the fake smile, tilt of the head, and polite “I’m good” answer when people ask how we are.  But on the inside we are crushed.  What I have learned though is that not feeling happy 24/7 is perfectly okay, and the feeling of complete darkness is not a bad thing.  The wilderness is not bad.  In fact, it has the potential to be a place where spiritual growth can blossom.  The wilderness has shown me that I am a messed up individual in DESPERATE need to God’s grace.  The wilderness offers grace, and that is where rest can be found.  

As annoying and frustrating as some days have been, I will be forever grateful that I found grace in the wilderness.

When Jesus Steps Aboard.

Throughout the past couple of weeks (and pretty much my whole life) I have ran into the same question over and over again.  Whether it has been brought up through studying a particular book, encouraging other friends, or challenging myself, the same question has repeatedly arisen.  I have come to the reasonable conclusion that the answer to this question has the power to control so many different areas of my life.  And rightfully so. So you may ask, "What the heck are you talking about Anna Lauren?" But this simple question has forced me to ponder hours and hours on how I choose to approach multiple situations in life. The question? Where do I choose to place my identity?
Jesus, of corse.  Plain and simple.  But the problem is that growing up in a "climb the ladder of success" type of culture,  we have made this into a much more complex issue. We tend to find great worth and value in jobs, money, grades, appearance, and I could go on and on. But in the past week I was reminded of a great illustration I heard years ago that helped make the answer to this question, plain and simple.
In the 1997 movie Air Force One, Harrison Ford plays as the president of the United States by going to Moscow to give a speech on the "Zero Tolerance"policy.  On his way home the president along with the many accompanying him run into trouble as terrorist attempt to attack Air Force One (I am about to spoil the ending, but it is worth it).
Fast forward to the ending (check it out here), and there are two planes flying side by side. One being Air Force One currently holding the president and the other, Liberty 24.  As AFO is going down to crash, the president  changes over to Liberty 24 and brought into safety.  There he is reunited with his wife and daughter. As soon as he is aboard the plane the captain calls in and says, "Liberty 24 is changing calls. Liberty 24 is now Air Force One." 
I think this is the perfect illustration of the gospel.  As soon as the president was aboard Liberty 24 the entire identity of the plane changed.  That was all it took...one man to step aboard. 
As I examine my own life, this is exactly what it took.  One man to step aboard and my entire identity changed.  Jesus was all it took. Nothing more. Nothing less. I went from being a filthy, dirty sinner destined for hell to reckoned as righteous! 
Romans 3:21-26 clearly shows this truth, ^"But now apart from the law the righteousness of God has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.  God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement, through the shedding of his blood—to be received by faith. He did this to demonstrate his righteousness, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished— he did it to demonstrate his righteousness at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus."
Because of this truth I do not have to place my identity in the ways the world views success, but rather I choose to let Jesus step aboard and control my identity.

Lucky Me.

If I had to sum up my past few days in one word that would be easy: refreshed.  But it was honestly in a way that I would have never expected it to come.
Wednesday morning I had made a quick run to Chick Fil A for breakfast (and by quick I mean an hour and a half thanks to mountain living).  On the way home I was jamming out to Kid Rock's All Summer Long (guilty as charged) while spending some time with Jesus, and I came to the conclusion that it was about to be a really good day.  No matter what.  Little did I know in a matter of hours I would be packed and headed to the beach.
Wednesday night we were all hanging around excited to be at the beach, and Satan came creeping in and whispered many lies in my head.  "Anna Lauren, do you think this place is safe?" "This is out of your normal daily routine." "Can you handle this little change?" "I don't think you can." "Look, everybody is having a great time, and you are scared of every little thing."  It was beyond frustrating, and it had a tremendous effect on my attitude.  I was being my typical selfish self.
I spent many late hours of the night and early hours of the morning talking with the Lord and begging the question, "Why Lord?"
When I was running along the beach a day later I had a conversation with the Lord that went a little like this: "Lord, I have too much stirring up in my heart that I don't know what to do with it." "You don't have to know." "Why?" "Because I know exactly what to do with it, just trust Me."  I later told someone about the time I had on the beach and I said, "I was refreshed in a way that I didn't even know I needed."
Fast forward and during our worship time that night we sang the following song: 

As for me I was dead in my transgressions

I was bound to my sin, and bound to condemnation

As for me I was an object of His wrath

And fully deserving of death, fully deserving of death

But You saw me there, because of You great love

You saw me there, because You’re rich in mercy

And You made me alive when I was dead

You raised me up and seated me with Christ

And it’s be your grace that I am saved

And it’s through faith; it’s the very gift of God

These words sent me back to the times that we were walking the streets in China with a sweet baby, and in very broken English people would surround us, point at Caroline, and say, "Oh lucky baby, lucky baby." We would always respond, "Oh lucky us." BOOM. It hit.

You see, Caroline was in a situation where all odds were against her, and she could do nothing about it.  She could not speak, feed herself, or get herself out of that situation.  She was helpless, and on a path that could have not ended well at all.  Therefore when the Schumpert family came in she relied fully on us, and we provided.  I am not saying this to exalt our family at all.  In fact it was exactly the opposite.  We were all once in the shoes of Caroline.  All odds were against us, and we were helpless and unable to get ourselves out of that situation.  We were destined for hell, and we could not do anything about it. BUT Jesus.  He came in, and we are to fully rely on Him to fully provide.  We don't have to feed ourselves, He fully satisfies.  We don't have to plan out our whole lives, His plan is infinitely perfect.  We don't have to sort out all the deepest stirrings in our hearts, He already has. And lucky us!

These few minutes were refreshing in a way that I would have never expected.  Later that night (while watching Duck Dynasty, might I add), I remember thinking, "Yes Lord. I get it.  I am sure I will fail sooner than later, but I trust." And oh lucky me!

Ephesians 2:1-10 will always be a constant reminder of this truth: 

 As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient.  All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath.  But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.  And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.  For it is by grace you have been saved,through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast.  For we are God’s handiwork,created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Oh lucky us!

Shout out to Danielle Bailey for giving me my photography skills! Love you sister!

Be holy, because I am holy.

Like I said in my last post the last few weeks have been a roller coaster.  Part of that ride was studying through the book of Leviticus over the past week.  If we have to be completely real and honest I was not overly thrilled at all. When it came to the morning of lectures it was cold and rainy, and I personally wanted to crawl back in bed and fall right back to sleep. But that obviously did not happen, and I am sure glad that it didn't.
Over the Christmas break, as I was preparing to study the Old Testament, my prayer was that I would know and see Jesus throughout the books.  This meant that I was going to have to place more effort into my work and be humbled in major ways.  I remember starting off with Genesis and half way though asking, "Who the heck are these Israelites?" It was a very humbling moment to have to ask this question (I personally would have normally avoided this and moved on), but I was able to grow in different ways through this.
The same situation happened when it came to Leviticus.  Many times I would have to ask, "What in the world is going on?" And I think I am still throughly confused about a lot (make that I am positively confused about a lot), but at the same time I was able to see so much.
While I was running last Saturday, I was able to spend some good time with the Lord.  I remember getting around mile 10,  and the Lord was pressing in on my heart and I was trying to fight back.  It was almost as if He was saying, "Anna Lauren, your actions are good, but your motives are not where they should lie. Just look." "Look at what?" "Be holy, because I am holy."  #BOOM
Throughout the book of Leviticus the Lord tells Moses that the motives behind the many laws and sacrifices is that they are to "be holy, because I the Lord your God am holy."  As I started thinking about this fact my whole mindset and motivation behind going through this book changed.  I started realizing that there are many areas in my life that look wonderful and grand, but at the bottom of it all my motivation is not where it should lie.  I do not have to have elaborate reasons for certain situations in life, but I am called to be holy.
Throughout studying the first chapter in Genesis, it became very clear to me that God was infinitely sovereign over all.  I have known this pretty much my whole life, but it became very real to me over the past couple of weeks.  "In the beginning, God created..."  Nothing created God, but God was creator! Therefore He is a perfect, holy, and just God.  Nothing can change that fact.  But I am a selfish, stupid, messed up sinner longing for that God.  How?  When my sin and His holiness cannot mix? Being holy, because He is holy.  But I never fail to screw a few things up? But Jesus!
While I still will never get it all.  I do that because of Jesus I have the ability to have a relationship with this holy God.  He came as the perfect sacrifice and mediator so that this could be made possible.  And because of that truth I am called to be holy, because the Lord my God is holy!

Purpose.

The past few weeks have been a roller coaster of the week to say the least.  While running a marathon through life (aka inductively studying the Bible), I tackled a marathon a few days ago.  Around mile 18 is when I "hit the wall," and I pretty much carried the wall on my back from mile 18 on.  I crossed the finish line in tears, but in a matter of minutes I had sweet tea in one hand and a medal in the other and was one happy marathon FINISHER!
About a two weeks before the marathon I started getting those pre-race jitters and nerves.  It was to the point that sleep was a foreign matter.  For the first couple of nights I was just frustrated and irritated, but  then I realized that it was time to be used for praying through wisdom and discernment on many areas of life. Little did I know, this sleep pattern would still be continuing (high note: the sunrises are great!) It was a small portrait of what the Lord has been showing me over the past couple of weeks: be present in the here and now, you have purpose.
I have a tendency to always be looking forward and planning what comes next that I tend to miss what is right in front of me.  I am almost positive that I am not the only one that struggles through this.  A few weeks ago I got a call from someone I love so dearly saying, "I am soooo through with high school. I am ready to be out of here."  I would be a hypocrite to say that I never struggled with this because that is far from the truth.  I clearly remember a few months ago telling the Lord, "I am just done with this, and I am ready to move on." But, of course, being the stubborn, selfish human being I am, I just could not see the big picture, and I missed so much in front of me.
So for you seniors that are itching to get out of high school, I get it.  I understand. But my prayer for you is that you will see purpose and contentment in the here and now.  Only because I love you all so dearly.  It encourages me daily to see what gospel glorifying lives y'all are living day by day. You know exactly who you are.
Whether is it taking a step into high school, laying wide awake at 4 in the morning, charting through another book, running a ridiculous amount of miles, or whatever the case may be, the Lord has a purpose.  Lets not miss it!

Run On.

I have created a new idea on when it is acceptable to start flipping out over certain events, in a good or bad way.  I have discovered that I may or may not have the tendency to start getting anxious and/or nervous about certain things wayyyy too soon.  So I decided that once we reach the point where that certain day is in the "10 day forecast" it is okay to start getting excited or nervous.  So this morning I looked up the weather for the Charleston Marathon and sure enough we have entered the time where that date falls into these 10 days.
So lets all take a moment and FREAK out over the fact that Anna Lauren has, yet again, decided to do what she vowed to NEVER EVER do.  A little over two years ago I crossed the finish line for my first (and thought it would be my last) marathon.  I always had it in my head that this was something that I wanted to do one day.  The moment finally came when I walked up to my mentor and running buddy, and I told her we were doing a marathon.  I was determined. But I also convinced myself that I could never run that far with no purpose.
So for those of you that gave me a purpose, thank you muchly!  I knew immediately that what I wanted to run for, and many people jumped on board. The Lord clearly showed me that I could run and raise money for an awesome organization, Show Hope.  Because of your willingness to give financially and pray for the fatherless, every step was worth it! Every step meant a child was coming home to a forever family, and that alone brings me pure joy!
As I have prepared for this next race I have been asked this question numerous times, "How do you do it?" I know that it is said over and over again how running is 90 percent mental strength and 10 percent physical strength.  But really.  That is sooo true!
I have quite a few friends that are currently training for their first 5K/half marathon/marathon. So I thought I would give you an honest glimpse of my thoughts when it came down to running the marathon.  I was running the other day thinking on how every mile and step matters and started breaking down how I was feeling at that certain point.  So here it goes....
Start Line: Everybody is feeling good and looking cute in their matching running gear. Totes presh!

• Mile 1: This is a nice warm up mile, and we are all still smiling! Life is sweet.
• Mile 2: Now you have reached the point where you are at a steady pace, and you are meeting the people that you will be running the next 24 miles with.
• Mile 3: Remembering that first time you did a 5K and thought you were on top of the world. But really.
• Mile 4: I am liking this whole running thing.  
• Mile 5: I love running!
• Mile 6: I could be an olympic athlete I am so good at this running thing.
• Mile 7: This has been a nice little warm up
• Mile 8: None of LSU's transit buses match.  Seriously.  I could not figure it out.
• Mile 9: They said this was suppose to be a flat course. WRONG!
• Mile 10: Double digit time!
• Mile 11: I think I want to tackle and IRONMAN next.
• Mile 12: Okay, maybe that was a little too extreme...
• Mile 13: Look at that group of people that just split off...they are only half as crazy as I am.
• Mile 14: I am now officially jealous of that group of people that just finished running.
• Mile 15: Okay, things are starting to hurt.  Just a wee bit.
• Mile 16: Just 10 more miles to go. Nbd.
• Mile 17: Some kid started chanting, "SCam Newton!" at me.  I simply smiled and said, "Scoreboard." 
• Mile 18: Running by LSU's stadium and observing that it actually smells like corndogs. No joke.
• Mile 19: I see my family on the other side of the pond! Look like you have it together.
• Mile 20: WHAT IN THE WORLD HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?!
• Mile 21: Okay I have overcome the wall and now everything just hurts.  But it's all okay.
• Mile 22: Somebody get this southern gal some sweet tea, and I mean NOW!
• Mile 23: I have ran 23 miles and you want to offer me tacos and beer?!
• Mile 24: 2 more miles to go....I might actually survive.
• Mile 25: 1 more mile. OH MY GOODNESS.
• Mile 26: The finish line is around the corner.  Get it together and act like you sprinted this entire race.

Finish Line: The feeling that you just ran a ridiculous amount of miles and sweet tea and grass to lay on is right there.

So for those of you who are in the current process of training: KEEP IT UP. The run may be rocky, but it makes the finish line that much sweeter. 

Run on friends!

Anna Lauren

To Know and To See.

I am not really big into new year's resolutions.  It is just not my thing.  I usually like setting a goal half way through the year instead of while "everyone is doing it."  But over the past few days I have been really trying to focus in a few ways that I want 2013 to look for me.  Don't worry this is not a resolution:) But the Lord has laid a couple of things on my heart that I have been recently praying about.

First, I want to know Jesus.  This may sound silly, but at my church back home we have just finished up a series called, "How I Met Jesus."  It is pretty self explanatory, but we covered the specific characters that were involved in the birth of Christ. This was from the wise men to King Herod to Anna etc.  It got me thinking on the time that I met Jesus. 

While I was running yesterday I came to the conclusion that there was a time that I met Jesus and then there was a time that I knew Jesus.  When I was in third grade I accepted Christ into my life.  I am sure I had a talk with my parents about it, and I am sure that we prayed about it.  But honestly I do not remember it at all.  My parents have just told me that it happened, and I trust them.  Do I believe that it was not sincere and real? Absolutely not.  But I do think for me that there was a time in my life that I started understanding who Jesus was.  Instead of treating Him like He was just a best friend, I started to realize that I must worship Him as my Sovereign Savior.  

It was not until when we adopted Caroline that I truly was able to grasp what it meant to be loved by God the Father.  I still don't fully understand it and never will, but I started realizing slowly but surely what the Father was like.  Fast forward many years and I remember sitting in my bedroom at home and reading through the Bible (Old and New Testament) and little by little the whole Jesus idea started to become very real to me.  This is when I would I say I started to know Jesus.  This is when I started realizing He was more than just a pal that I should check in on occasionally.  BUT He was humble enough to take on flesh and come into this world and yet still remain fully God, and because of that He was worthy of all my honor and praise. Nothing more. Nothing less.

In the last few weeks of studying the New Testament this concept came up over and over while I was studying.  I love how the Amplified version puts Philippians 3:10, "For my determined purpose is that I may know HIm that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly, and that I may in the same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection, and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed to His death."
It was explained at school that this translation of "know" is the most intimate form.  It is used in the same way in Genesis 4:1, "Adam knew Eve."
This is my prayer for 2013: I want to know Jesus more and more.
Finally, I want to see Jesus. I have been super excited to come back and study the Old Testament, and I have had a few strange looks when I tell people this.  But this has been my desire as I prepare for the Old Testament.  I want to see Jesus throughout as I study.  So many times I hear, "The Old Testament is filled with just a bunch of laws."  But I don't want to see laws..I want to see Jesus.
So my "not new year's resolution" is to know and to see. This is my prayer and my desire during 2013. So bring it on!

Anna Lauren

P.S. Shout out to everyone sleep deprived at Passion 2013.  Praying for freedom and restoration!